yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
