you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
