I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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