i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
