Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
