God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
