Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize