Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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