My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
