Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
