words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
