do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
