I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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