I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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