I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
