SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
