we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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