so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
