went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
