my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
