I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
