I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
