we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
