I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
