i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He? As in you personified your dick?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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