i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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