No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
