omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
