census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
