he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
