The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
