ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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