People in love make me want to vomit
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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