i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
