He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
