Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
