We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize