She is in my trunk
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
