Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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