I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
