I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
