I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
