I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
