Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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