Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
