You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
