My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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