So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
