I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
