Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
