ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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