I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got inside last night via doggy door
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