she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
