What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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