uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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