omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
