I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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