You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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