what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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