If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize