I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
