He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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