It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
