I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
