Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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