her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
