You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
