my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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