Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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